Thats what the owners count on, Carlin intones. But He loves you. "Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. They want obedient workers. They should be giving their money to you. Even right-wingers are getting tired of their queerphobic schtick. They own and control the corporations. There's a nice campaign slogan for somebody: 'The Public Sucks. If youre preborn, youre fine; if youre preschool, youre fucked. Others see it half empty. Theyre all in favor of the unborn. ", 76. RT @JamesMelville: "They own everythingThey don't care about youThey got you by the balls." ~ George Carlin He absolutely nailed it. F*ck Hope. Ice Cube may be engaging in a political kerfuffle with Democrats following the news of his latest partnership with President Donald Trump's administration for the "Platinum Plan," but the rapper and actor is keen on letting his fans and followers know that he is not necessarily banding together with the government, despite what the past week of headlines might suggest. Being woke, leading the charge in cancel culture, fighting censorship, and supporting those who are vulnerable and don't have a voice. They want your fuckin retirement money. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them. "Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. Carlin did this better than anyone else. ", 82. Carlin passed away in 2008 before he could see the prescience of his comedic wit and intelligence with the rise of Republican Donald Trump's candidacy this year. Daniel Kurtzman is a political journalist turned satirist. "Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. Theyll get it. Nitwits, assholes, fuckups, scumbags, jerkoffs, and dipshits. It gloriously backfired, Dictionary.com just added several new LGBTQ+ words & also grundle, Love, drugs & the club: As a gay man, life looks different with a new disability, Kim Petras says the road to fame while trans was twice as long, School bans parents as a threat to kids over LGBTQ-affirming posts, Sam Smith is trending on Twitter and the discourse is truly Unholy. Most are only interested in self pleasures and bad habits. 44. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. Never join a group that has a name. Men are insecure about the size of their dicks, and so they have to kill one another over the idea. This cookie is managed by Amazon Web Services and is used for load balancing. The Bachelorette's Angie Kent and Carlin Sterritt have been on holiday together in Vietnam the past week and sharing lots of glamorous selfies. ", 32. Craziest Republican Quotes of the 21st Century, The Funniest Political Quotes of All Time, Funny Arnold Schwarzenegger Quotes as Actor and Politician, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. And apparently, I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. A cat . The fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white, and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes every day, because the owners of this country know the truth: It's call the Amercian Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.". "Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. This helps to distinguish between new, returning, and loyal visitors. (LogOut/ Known for his lack of patience for bullshit, the comedian regularly skewered all politicians, the election of Donald Trump as president would have particularly peeved him. This cookie is associated with Yahoo Search Analytics and is used for advertising purposes. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. ", 53. This cookie is used to detect and defend when a client attempt to replay a cookie.This cookie manages the interaction with online bots and takes the appropriate actions. Doesnt give a shit, which I admire in a person, and which would explain a lot of these bad results. George Carlin, Atheism is a non-prophet organization. George Carlin, I have as much authority as the Pope. "It's never just a game when you're winning. Thats all it is. Ice Cube and his political affiliations have been in the spotlight ever since White House senior advisor Katrina Pierson publicly thanked the Friday actor for his help in developing the "Platinum Plan" with Trump officials. ", 97. ", 68. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying. And I didn't really care in the first place. Petras said shes glad the industry is finally catching on to her talent. George Carlin, Meow means woof in cat. George Carlin, When youre born you get a ticket to the freak show. "I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. What if puberty blockers are a kind of sex crime? The Onions fictional editor board asked in a mockery of The Times concern-trolling on trans issues. I firmly believe that if you vote, you have no right to complain. Its a subconscious need to project the penis into other peoples affairs. That doesnt help them. Full transcript of George Carlin's "Dumb Americans," excerpted from "Life is Worth Losing, his 13th live comedy stand-up special, performed at the Beacon Theatre in New York City for HBO. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. After harping on his skepticism of politicians, particularly Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden, 51-year-old Ice Cube doubled down on his distrust of the government on Tuesday by sharing a famous quote by the late, great comedian George Carlin on Twitter. You can take the boy out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the boy. - George Carlin. "A good motto to live by: 'Always try not to get killed. Google DoubleClick IDE cookies are used to store information about how the user uses the website to present them with relevant ads and according to the user profile. ", 77. LinkedIn sets the lidc cookie to facilitate data center selection. What do you get at the end of it? George Carlin Quotes On . I just dont have as many people who believe it. George Carlin, Now, theres one thing you might have noticed I dont complain about: politicians. This narrative is based on a deliberate fiction. "Life is not measured by the number of breath we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. At all. Because he was a genius, and here are 11 quotes that prove it: 1. "Politicians are there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. "The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it. After that, they dont wanna know about you. ", 58. Carlin was a New York City-based stand-up comedian, social critic, writer, and actor, best known for his unconventional and vulgar comedy routines. Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. ", 8. they don't wanna know about you. Determines whether the visitor has accepted the cookie consent box. School officials told the couple that they present an inherent harm to kids.. ", 40. Well, we know what they want: They want more for themselves and less for everybody else.". You have owners. They dont want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking. George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. Whatever you do dont make it go viral! The great American comedian George Carlin died on June 22, 2008 at the age of 71. ""Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that. I don't always agree with everything he says, but I always listen Given the nature of our current Administration, I thought it timely to revisit what George said years ago (Back In Town HBO Special, 1996 . The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he. He was regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comics of all time. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. ", 6. ", 118. ""You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance". George Carlin. Our country is failing because the majority of the people are selfish. It helps in improving the performance. That's against their interests. This cookie is used for implementing audio files on the website. The session information includes the identity of the user, recently visited links and the duration of inactivity. Carlin considered conservatives and Republicans the greedy, warmongering class in political ideologies. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked." "There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. You have owners. ", 55. ", 59. That doesnt help them. "I don't know if we could count on any parties to get us out this s**t, to be honest. Weve addedyearstolifenotlife to years. George Carlin, Heres a bumper sticker Id like to see: We are the proud parents of a child whos self-esteem is sufficient that he doesnt need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car. George Carlin, Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight? George Carlin, Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. ", 46. This cookie stores a visitor's unique identifier for Chartbeat tracking on the site. 41. You will be notified via email when a new post is published. The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.". You only get to hear cats. You show a clip of a young Richard Pryor and a young George Carlin on the set together with John Davidson. "If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isnt the whole airplane made out of that stuff? The domain of this cookie is owned byOracle Eloqua. "That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. ", Join half a million readers enjoying Newsweek's free newsletters. Lijit Advertising Platform sets this cookie temporarily, when multiple partners pass their IDs to the platform simultaneously. ", 23. ", 7. "Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. the politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. ", 91. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. "Electricity is really just organized lightning. ", 102. "I don't believe anything the government tells me.". ", 41. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. ", 21. '""I have solved this political dilemma in a very direct way: I don't vote. It creates a hostile work environment. George Carlin, The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin, May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. George Carlin, The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin, Scratch any cynic, and you will find a disappointed idealist. George Carlin, I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. Yeah, the public sucks. Well what if I don't want to? He was as prolific as he was profound, with a career spanning nearly five decades, 23 albums, 14 HBO specials, 130 Tonight Show appearances and three books (plus posthumous releases). You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating and you finish off as an orgasm. George Carlin, I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds. George Carlin, Some people see the glass half full. They've got you by the balls. The truth is that George Carlin would be branded a left-wing nut job who has pie-in-the-sky ideas and wants people to collect money for doing nothing. ", 8. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. ", 51. This cookie is set by the provider The Guardian. A cookie set by YouTube to measure bandwidth that determines whether the user gets the new or old player interface. George Carlin on The Late Late Show with Tom Snyder 1998 RayHamburger 95K views 4 years ago George Carlin on the Illusion of Choice in Politics. In his 1996 HBO special Back in Town, the late comic legend and social critic George Carlin nailed the hypocrisy of social conservatives who rail against abortion and birth control with "pro-life" rhetoric while simultaneously attacking social . ""This country was founded by a group of slave owners who wanted to be. ", 125. A Death! He saw it from a . They should be more vivid. ""The owners of this country know the truth: It's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. ""Deep Throat: Think about it. 'They dont want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. It also helps in fraud preventions. Installed by Google Analytics, _gid cookie stores information on how visitors use a website, while also creating an analytics report of the website's performance. Toothpicks? The people left of center were liberals; the people right of center were conservatives. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And generally speaking, people onthe right of center, are interested in property values, property, property rights. The legendary comic, who died in 2008 at the age of 71, is also the subject of an upcoming two-part documentary, George Carlins American Dream, which debuts on HBO Max later this month: By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. After that, they dont want to know about you. ", 38. #AmericaWakeUp pic.twitter.com/vy2zz0j8DB, Mrs. Krassenstein (@HKrassenstein) July 26, 2020. I mean, life is tough. "It helps to remember this.. This ensures that the cookie consent box will not be presented again upon re-entry. You think your current financial. "I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the s**t out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker. ", 106. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. George Carlin. Carlin was known for keeping things real, and his funny jokes were sure to get a laugh out of anyone. The uuid2 cookie is set by AppNexus and records information that helps in differentiating between devices and browsers. Then they would drink a lot of coffee.' Teach them to question what they read. She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. If youre offended by foul language dont watch this f**king video. Broadly speaking. ", 6. AdScale sets this cookie to target ads by registering the user's movements across websites. 43. The demdex cookie, set under the domain demdex.net, is used by Adobe Audience Manager to help identify a unique visitor across domains. "In America, anyone can become president. They never mention that part to us, do they? You have no right to complain. The cookies contains information that allows Prebid servers to distinguish between browsers and mobile devices. Below are some famous quotes and jokes by the man, the myth, the legend, the comedian George Carlin. The JSESSIONID cookie is used by New Relic to store a session identifier so that New Relic can monitor session counts for an application. "If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both f**ked. ""Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. Deal with it. Because if everything is really the fault of politicians, where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans who are ready to step in and replace them? YouTube sets this cookie to store the video preferences of the user using embedded YouTube video. Like the public. You should die first; get it out of the way. They want obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. You don't. You have no choice! This cookie is used for embedding The Guardian video player. But, he is wrong here. It will not be with jack-boots. Everything He ever makes dies. You dont have to be a historian or a political scientist to see the bigger-dick foreign policy at work. This cookie is used to track the behavior of a user within the current session. They don't want to hear from you . This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. They own everything," the quote reads. Yeah, the public sucks. The video featured audio from George's Wake Up America bit combined with imagery of events and people in today's society. George Carlin on Being Arrested for Performing "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television" Johnny Carson 325K views 3 months ago George Carlin - Stand Up About Religion Matti Holden 13M. 27 Feb 2023 13:57:17 Hatred/ bias against opposition: Have you noticed that nearly every time, Mr. Trump is questioned, or feels accused, etc, he replies by bringing up his less - than - popular former political opponent, Hillary Clinton, and repeats claims which have been refuted and disputed, numerous times, but his core followers, continue to accept? They spend billions of dollars every year lobbyinglobbying to get what they want. "I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to. After that, they don't want to know about you. -26 1amathrowaway 1 yr. ago 3. ", 122. Associated with Amazon Web Services and created by Elastic Load Balancing, AWSELB cookie is used to manage sticky sessions across production servers. ", 42. This cookie is used for DNS Prefetch and HTTP2 Push. Enter your email address to follow Motley News. Which doesn't make any sense at all. So we are going to have to do lots of things different as a Black community," Ice Cube said in a video shared on Twitter on October 11. This cookie is set by Segment to help track visitor usage, events, target marketing, and also measure application performance and stability. If he wants to just lecture with his opinions then he gets lectured back with other peoples opinions. Laugh until you gasp for breath. You have OWNERS! Issued by Microsoft's ASP.NET Application, this cookie stores session data during a user's website visit. "'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously. "Everybody's been mad at me, cause I haven't been on the f**king, y'know, the gravy train of these candidates, especially Joe Biden and Harris. To avoid conflicts, each partner's ID is stored using separate cookies, which are merged to the ljtrtb cookie when it is available. This cookie is set by Segment to count the number of people who visit a certain site by tracking if they have visited before. The people are f**ked. That's what the owners count on; the fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes everyday. ", 48. Facebook sets this cookie to show relevant advertisements to users by tracking user behaviour across the web, on sites that have Facebook pixel or Facebook social plugin. Learn how your comment data is processed. "Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? Then youre just what theyre looking for. Don't miss a beat. George Carlin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. ", 105. So they killed a lot of white English people in order to continue owning their black African people, so they could wipe out the rest of the red Indian people, in order to move west and steal the rest of the land from the brown Mexican people, giving them a place to take off and drop their nuclear weapons on the yellow Japanese people. Everybodys going to save something now. Im tired of this shit. George Carlin, Never argue with an idiot. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. Individualists. The Romantic Comedy You Should Watch This Valentines Day, Based On Your ZodiacSign, Valentines Day Streaming Guide: The Best Rom-Coms To Binge On Netflix, HBO Max, AndMore, How Narcissists Use Dog Whistling To Covertly Abuse You: Signs Of This Dangerous ManipulationMethod, 11 Christmas Movies To Watch If Youre Dealing With Heartbreak Over TheHolidays. You get kicked out when youre too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. ", 83. the fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big, red, white, and blue dick thats being jammed up their assholes every day., This video is completely devastating for Trump. "Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain. Set by addthis.com to determine the usage of addthis.com service. "You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby . My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. ", 39. "Forget the politicians. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. "A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. Bluekai uses this cookie to build an anonymous user profile with data like the user's online behaviour and interests. They own everything" "They've. ", 115. You're down to seven. ''It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. This data helps to customize website content to enhance user experience. They dont want to hear from you. Nobeody seems to care. AddThis sets this cookie to ensure that the updated count is seen when one shares a page and returns to it, before the share count cache is updated. At all. "Most people with low self-esteem have earned it. George Carlin quotes are hilarious. George Carlin quotes and jokes about politics and religion "Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. AddThis sets this cookie to track page visits, sources of traffic and share counts. If you think too much, you will be left behind by everyone. ", 87. By the way, its the same big club they use to beat you over the head with all day long when they tell you what to believe. December 2, 2015, 3:27 PM. "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. "It helps to remember this.. "The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. George Carlin, I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimers disease where they slowly began to recover other peoples lost memories. George Carlin, When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. This cookie is used for preventing the installation of third party advertiser or other cookies on the browser. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. No neonatal care, no day care, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. This is what we have to offer. They will do anything for the unborn. Laugh until you gasp for breath. George Carlin, Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school. George Carlin, The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. George Carlin, People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. George Carlin, Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. George Carlin, Dont just teach your children to readTeach them to question what they read. No nothing. ", 85. (LogOut/ Deal with it. George Carlin, Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. George Carlin, Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice? George Carlin, Were so self-important. He talked about things that could be considered controversial, like politics and politicians, religion, drugs, and the demise of humanity. Well, where do people think these politicians come from? ", 28. Pattern Integrity Films set the bit to photos and video clips from modern-day America and the result is devastating. George Carlin may be dead, but his spirit lives on. This cookie supports the website's live support provider. Carlin is funny as hell. George Denis Patrick Carlin was born on May 12, 1937, was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic, and author. George Carlin Philosophy, Real, Lying 192 Copy quote I've set my own rules to live by. This Cookie is used by Yahoo to anonymously store data related to user's visits, such as the number of visits, average time spent on the website and what pages have been loaded. Set aside 30 minutes to watch investigative journalist Whitney Webb speak with MintPress News in the video above. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. ", 16. "Governments don't want well-informed, well-educated people capable of critical thinking. Here is one I would suggest: 'Alcohol will turn you into the same a**hole your father was. Term limits aint going to do any good; youre just going to end up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. Politics Notify me about new: Board Topics. Forget the politicians. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window), Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window). RLCDN sets this cookie to provide users with relevant advertisements and limit the number of ads displayed. This cookie is set by DoubleClick and is used for re-targeting, optimisation, reporting and attribution of online adverts. George Carlin: Life Is Worth Losing George Carlin told us about the Corona panic years ago Ryan Davis 3.5M views 2 years ago Joe Rogan | George Carlin's Lost 9/11 Special JRE Clips 2.6M. Carlin is usually spot on. But once youre born, youre on your own. and if you want to make this about "comedy" then Carlin should tell these things called "jokes". Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. They got you by the balls. The game is rigged. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever til the end of time! Thats the problem. George Carlin, I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. George Carlin, Governments dont want a population capable of critical thinking; theywant obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation. George Carlin, How can He be perfect? "If you cant say something nice about a person, go ahead. "People are fucking nuts. In the standup special, which premiered just three years before Carlin's death, the comedian claims that "the real owners are the big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions." The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary". I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin, How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette? George Carlin, Laugh often, long and loud. This cookie is used to manage the interaction with the online bots. That's generally been true. We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. ", 80. LinkedIn sets this cookie from LinkedIn share buttons and ad tags to recognize browser ID. You know what they want? You work forty years until youre young enough to enjoy your retirement. I recall many years ago, when he was guest-hosting the Tonight show, George Carlin having a somewhat strained political conversation with the comedian Shelley Winters. Related: When it comes to mass shootings, the problem isnt Republicans or the NRA. MediaMath sets this cookie to avoid the same ads from being shown repeatedly and for relevant advertising.
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