Ann Landers Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. [click_to_tweet tweet=I can always think of something funny to say. quote=I can always think of something funny to say. theme=style4], 2023 Oldtown Publishing LLC 479 State Route 17 N 3. 94. Chop your own wood. Steven Alexander Wright. Sam Levenson 114. 14. "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.". Art doesnt transform. Im lovely because everyone likes me more than Monday morning!, 7. They log in. It doesnt work if it is not open. I am healthy, I am wealthy, I am hot!, 14. "Life is like a roller coaster pic - scary at the moment, funny looking back.". My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. Trust me, your secrets are safe with me and all of my friends. 72. Because if you can put a smile on your face with a little humor, I guarantee that youll feel some weight come off your shoulders.f. Henny Youngman God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. Snowballs. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up., 14. The following is the list of some humorous affirmations for you: I am doing all the amazing things because I am an amazing human being. You can write them on sticky notes to set on your mirror, on the notes app in your phone for on-the-go encouragement, or you can simply memorize your favorites and recite . 217. I tried, but they wanted cash. Just like every Monday does on Earth. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. My mind is becoming much sharper. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. Top 40 Best Funny Affirmations To Make Your Day (2023) It has the power to add levity to our daily challenges. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. Its okay if people dont like me. 93. I am adventurous. Take a dose of encouragement from your positive affirmations whenever youre feeling down. Laughter also has a social aspect, as its the perfect way to bond with people. 207. I can engage in small acts of kindness to uplift other people. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. As a result, youll stay consistent, and with affirmations, consistency is the name of the game. 203. 232. 38. I will never let anyone treat me like a yellow starburst. I will not let my mind be a bully to my body. 51. 214. I am my childs greatest comfort. 65. Related Post: 201 Awesome Short Inspirational Quotes About Life. Does it count if you say them in your mind? Bill Murray. 222. 2. Choose words that make you feel confident about yourself. It has features that are distinctive and make me who I am. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. 192. 94. Hmmm, this text message is a little too harsh, Ill add LOL at the end. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. What do I do for a living? Ive made it from the bed to the couch. Theres life without Facebook and internet? When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. 2. Ted Turner. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. If you are looking for a way to get more laughs in your day, try some of these funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. happy. You can only be young once. 107. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. 160. 25 Daily Mantras For Positive Thinking | Positive Creators I dont need excuses, because I never mess things up. Life always offers you a second chance. 39 Funny Positive Affirmations [Feel Happier Instantly] 58. Bill Murray, 251. Keep your affirmations in the present. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. 71. To conclude this list of funny affirmations, heres a few that are specifically focused around work. Edward A. Murphy I did not trip and fall. "Have a great Wednesday. I am full of vitality. And one of the fundamental truths in life is that they will make . 149. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. I never apologize. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. Nothing, they just waved. 2. Sometimes these surprises are way too spectacular and sometimes way too tragic. 209. 102. Just like every Monday does on Earth. He who laughs last didnt get it. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. I will tell the negative voice inside my head to shut up. Flip Wilson, 263. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. And a funny bone., 10. 272. But it'll move up again.". Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. 230. 17. 1. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. Focus on the positives and be grateful. Given below are some short quotes to tickle your funny bone. 38. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. 173. 21. Nobody gets out alive anyway. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people., 5. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. In between, I am alive. Here is a list for you that has all the funny affirmations: I am making myself laugh every time I say any sarcastic word. Envelope. 257. 154. They log in. 34. No one can make me feel my jokes are bad. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on how to write affirmations and the benefits of affirmations. 250. I am stepping out of my comfort zone, no matter how small the step. 26. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. Expect nothing and appreciate everything. Read next: 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset, Posted on Published: January 26, 2023- Last updated: January 27, 2023, Home 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, Fabulous List Of 120 Cute Names To Call Your Crush, 120 Follow Your Dreams Quotes To Keep You On The Track. How do trees access the internet? I am grateful for that time. Loving yourself and believing in yourself is the first step in making these funny positive affirmations work for you. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. I focus on breathing and grounding myself. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. 189. Exercise? Today I will embrace the poop., 7. I make the right choices every time. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? I am strong and getting stronger every day. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please. 198. Whether its because of a bad breakup or just feeling really down, there are ways to look on the bright side and come out on top. - Christopher Reeve. It just plain forms. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. The world is my buffet, and my plate is ready to go. Decomposing. Wilson Mizner, 262. 150. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. 174. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? 265. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. 233. 60 Happy Friday Funny Memes Day of the Week - FunZumo 60. 1. I can do this. 10 Funny Affirmations That Will Put A Smile On Your Face - QuoteReel 231. I tell you what always catches my eye. I dont worry about getting older. 84. Take some time each day to go through these funny affirmations for self-esteem and see how your mood shifts in response. 161. Edward A. Murphy. It changes your perception and these short positive affirmations have a way of changing the way you look at yourself and feel more confident. Bill Murray. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. 4. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. 5. -Gandhi. 131. 57. (John 14:27) 27. 186. Chris Rock, 256. 195. 80. Short Funny Affirmations. I see food, and I eat it. As you can see, laughter is already a powerful tool on its own. It has nothing new to tell you. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way., See also: 120 Best Spiritual Universe Quotes To Contemplate Life. Swimming trunks. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. 4. - Kyle Chandler. 106. Dear Monday, my mama doesn't like you and she likes everyone. I will smile while I still have my teeth. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. 34. 252. 7. You were too lazy to read that number. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks., 3. Infographic: Why Do People Swipe Right (or Left) on Tinder. 30. I see the funny side of life more and more. 125. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash., 9. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. 35. I am so worthy so that I am filling the life of people with fun and joy. 7. But you can always be immature. The most important aspect is being honest with yourself and opting for a meaningful statement. Go to bed with satisfaction.". 194. 46. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. 60 Short & Funny Motivational Quotes to Laugh About - Wealthy Gorilla 39. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. 168. I am quite fascinating. Socrates. But then again so does . 32. East. 139. Lily Tomlin, 242. You can write them down and use them whenever you're attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. Fortunately, theres a way to reap the benefits of these powerful statements by giving them a humorous twist. 185. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? 91. 180. Your words become your actions. Sam Levenson. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. Rome wasnt built in a day. Helen Giangregorio. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. 2. 228. I stick to things until I get to my destination. Today I was a hero. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? 3. 139. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? 104. Charles M. Schulz. Microchips. 188. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. He said, 'So does the guy I stole it from.'" 1. 245. 10. 249. When life closes a door, just open it again. The best things in life are free. Im not lazy, Im just very relaxed. Robert Bloch I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. 146. Short people with an umbrella. 166. Why did the school kids eat their homework? Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. And a funny bone. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. Let these funny affirmation quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. 103. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. Read the first word again. When I grow up to be a parent, my children will think the same about me. 113. 226. I am constantly growing and improving. Say your affirmations slowly and clearly. 197. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. You can think about your affirmations at work, while driving, when you practice yoga, and when you spend time with your . Not everyone has good taste. 122. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. "I make people laugh, whether it's with me or at me.". We'll get to that later. 208. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. 128. I teach my kids good things in sarcastic ways. 237. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. 40 Short Positive Affirmations + Free Printable - Dare Your Lifestyle Get Love Tips Sent Straight To Your Inbox. Being funny seems to be taking less effort. Please excuse me while I go check the plumbing. 157. We have rounded up the best collection of funny affirmations, quotes, sayings, captions, positive thoughts (with images and pictures) to encourage friends and family to manifest their thoughts into things. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. I should have theme music every time I enter a room. Never take life seriously. 116. 59. I have a lot to offer. Its not easy staying motivated for work all the time. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me. Subscribe To Our Newsletter! I tried, but they wanted cash. Because they make up everything. I dont have everything I want, but I have all I need. Im a work in progress without a completion date., See also: 120 Ultimate Best Quotes About Progress To Fuel Your Growth. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. 62. Discover short videos related to funny affirmations on TikTok. 76. ". 41 Positive Affirmations & Positive Quotes To Treasure Any text will do. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. Give your body time to absorb the positivity and let go of negative thoughts. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me. I am not only pretty but also pretty awesome, pretty smart, and pretty kind. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations to motivate you to come out of your comedic shell. - George Burns. This is a snap. If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. Let us know which of these motivational affirmations inspired you the most. 26. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. Honolulu, its got everything. Don't forget to be awesome. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.'. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. 20 Positive Affirmations You Can Use to Inspire Your Life - Mindvalley Blog 13. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know. 258+ Funny & Happy Friday Quotes To Explode Your Energy Short Positive Affirmations - 110 Powerful Affirmations - Mindbless 138. Have a look! 5. Erma Bombeck. 33. Good morning! Theres no stopping me now. You can only be young once. 191. 30 Short Daily Affirmations for Living Your Best Life - Healing Brave Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. I experience ease and flow as I navigate my exhilarating life. 27. 212. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. No one is immune to self-sabotage, heartbreak, loss, and failure. How do you count cows? Which affirmation put a smile on your face? My jokes do. Ive got three bones. 40 Apology Paragraph For Her To Say Im Sorry, 80 Cute Relationship Quotes For Sweet Couples In Love, 50 Doubt In Relationship Quotes To Rebuild Trust, 75 Sad Broken Relationship Quotes To Fix Your Heartbreak, 70 Relationship Honesty Quotes On Love, Trust & Loyalty, 80 Relationship Sorry Quotes To Apologize To Your Love, 65 Disney Quotes About Family That Will Warm Your Heart, 90 Best Shrek Quotes From The Funny Ogre Movie, 80 Blended Family Quotes To Share With Your Loved Ones, 90 Female Fitness Quotes For Women Who Workout. It's OK to take a break. 124. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. Whatever the case may be, a sense of humor can go a long way toward changing your perspective on negative occurrences in your life. Yeah, so is a grenade. no rich foods. 23. So far, so good. 151. 6. "Who you are inside is what helps you make and do everything in life". "If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.". It is already tomorrow in Australia.". If Im not there, I go to work. Robert Orben, 4. 234. "It's going to be hard, but hard does not mean impossible.". 121. 167. I often wish I was someone else Just so I could hang around with someone as awesome as me. I dont suffer from insanity. You were too lazy to read that number. 1. 99. Im laughing at the confusion and smiling through the tears. It takes so little to change your life! But you're not as old as you're going to be.". Everyone recognizes how positive emotions can affect attitude and overall health. You may hear crickets when you try to tell a joke. 123. 9. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. You wanna know who Im in love with? All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. 80 Funny Quotes To Make You Smile | Shutterfly - Ideas & Inspiration 89. I dont need validation from others to know Im killing it. I am naturally cool, calm, and collected. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash. Dont forget to check out our post onlove yourself quotesandvision board quotesto attract positivity in your life. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? I don't entertain negativity in any shape or form. I didnt fall, Im just spending some quality time with the floor. , we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. "We . Billy Wilder. 142. 194. 1. can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for! It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. 155. 134. 45. 181. Below youll find a collection of funny affirmations for work that will help you stay motivated and fight the work stress more efficiently. 143. - Unknown. No, but April may. I will shine like fireworks on the Fourth of July. 177. In life, sometimes you just need to break the tension with a little humor. 255. 112. What we say not only affects our lives but also has an impact on those around us. My body deserves love. Laughter has always been lauded for its therapeutic effects. Albert King. 210. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. 212. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. 71. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. 119 Positive Affirmations For Women To Use Daily - Live Bold and Bloom What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? 154. Youll probably grin or laugh if you say these affirmations aloud, thinking youre crazy. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. Affirmations for wealth can be a great way of getting your thoughts in order and creating a positive outlook. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. 3. 100+ weird quotes that make no sense at all but are funny You wanna know who Im in love with? Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car.