But a positive first encounter with a therapist can change that, because, you know, therapists are trained to defuse and help unpack their misconceptions. Ive had several week-long business trips in CA the last few years and its a non-event. this makes me IRATE. Its really easy to say everyone else agrees (and they conveniently do so somewhere that you cant actually see/hear what they said), so anything that smacks of that strikes me as worthy of taking with a shakerfull of salt. OP, no idea if my experience is relevant to you or not, but the relationships in which the possibility of me cheating (never in a million years) was raised were the ones in which HE was cheating. Thanks for your thoughtful self-awareness. But I suspect if I went for leisure, Id be bored out of my ever-loving mind. My husband doesn't want to go because of the 14 hour car ride. He can be kind of inflexible about certain things so the fact that this is 180 degrees from where it was should give you hope. If its an anxiety or OCD issue, there are specific skills that partners and caregivers need to learn to support treatment goals and avoid inadvertently rewarding the problematic thoughts and behaviors. My husband and I went for our honeymoon, we had so much fun just walking through all of the hotels and people-watching, plus saw some really great shows. Spiking drinks, assault, kidnapping happen in tiny places as well as large places. They did indeed get married, and unsurprisingly, it ended in spectacularly bad fashion. My mom is convinced that as soon as the sun goes down, everyone is a drunk driver. Vegas is changing a lot of its marketing these days to bill itself more as a family destination and/or more sophisticated and all that. Unless OP has a history of partying hard and getting black-out drunk (which doesnt seem to be the case), I think theres little to worry about here. making sure your spouse is okay with big decisions that affect both of you isnt that unreasonable. We were in that stage of "dating" where we wanted to do everything together, only he didn't fly and didn't really enjoy travel. But you dont get to be irrational all over someone else without consequence. Hes not Master of the House. It seems infinitely more likely that what they actually said was yeah man, that sucks, I dont know why she wouldve broken up with you as sympathy and he took it that way, but either way, you dont date by committee! It sounds like theres a lot you two have to work through but if his primary concern is for your personal safety, as other folks have mentioned, Las Vegas is actually pretty safe for a big city. It comes across as so controlling. Either he socializes with very retrograde people, or hes snowing you when he tells you that hes enjoying full-throated unquestioning support of his attempt to stifle your career. Hes been working through them and he was much better during my last work trip. Yes. Assuming you havent given him real cause for those worries (like a history of cheating), this is insulting to you and awful for the health of your relationship. Send a good morning text, a been busy all day, just breaking for lunch text, and a goodnight call each day. Unless theyre all really churchy (and the OP didnt say), if any of my previous partners said that, Id give it massive side-eye. The letter writer specifically ASKED about anxiety. The next step absolutely should be counseling, but I dont know that its fair for us to fault the OP for not making it the first step, you know? Hes my partner, not my parent, not my keeper, and Im still a grown ass adult who gets to decide what I do with my life. I do know some people (who have never been to Vegas!) Its not like people are forced at gunpoint to have sex with a rando when they deplane at McCarran. Maybe this is anxiety and maybe it isnt not every illogical or inappropriate behavior is mental illness but mental illness is never an excuse to be controlling or abusive. Agree with the high level of security even on the streets. The conference hall manager looked at my colleaguewho requested a kosher meallike they were crazy. I didnt sign up for this. My husband and I travel a lot for work- including to Vegas! Sogoahead and book that trip, and then make sure you spend asmuch time relaxing aspossible before your departure. Life is short. The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of What to Expect. Both of us have traveled the world for pleasure and business in the 15 years. Thats kind of hilarious because my ex was super upset the first time I went to Utah (current spouses family lives there), because he thought Id let our daughter be kidnapped by polygamists. Unless, its a SERIOUSLY homogeneous group, whichis possibleunfortunately. The idea of where we are in danger is terribly skewed in the US. Whats wrong with disembark? Not everything is an abusive relationship, AAM commentariat. Right? Well, okay, then, if your mom says so!. So much wow. I was thinking as I read the description, this sounds like its coming from someone who has never been on a business trip before (and re: the kidnapping, someone whos watched too many movies). We went off the beaten track and it was just like any other city. I dont gamble much. I do think some commenters above have some good thoughts on why this might require individual counseling (in addition to or instead of couples counseling), but it sounds like youre pursuing both, which is great. They may not all work for you, but I hope that at least some will be helpful. Then the next day drive another five hours and spend the night in a hotel then the final day if we drove five hours we would be at the beach. He can see how boring Vegas really is. It took getting out (and lots of tears, letting some of the love-roots pull out from my heart with time and distance, and lots of therapy) to realize that he really was some of those things and others he wasnt, but it was irrelevant because he was still hurting me. From so many comments above, what people are missing here is that none of us knows whether the LWs husband is an anxiety sufferer or a control freak. An ex of mine and I were trying to be friends; he told me about a date he went on and I gave him my opinion (that he treated this woman like crap) and he was basically all, Nuh-unh! I wonder if one solution wouldnt just be to bring her husband WITH her (on her own expense and probably paying for their own room)? The touristy gloss. Why? Who was the genius with the idea to build a tourist trap in a desert? I question who he was talking to that would say they wouldnt let their spouses go. My husband is just glad he doesnt have to go with me, because more than a couple of days in Las Vegas is like being stuck inside a kaleidoscope. The only thing I dont like about this suggestion is the implication that OPs husband can supervise her to make sure shes not cheating. I could understand some concern about being on a business trip to an unfamiliar (at least somewhat) city but this sounds over the top. That doesnt seem fair! And, this IS an us issue: his insecurities are damaging the relationship. We are driving 18 hours to get to my family reunion with our 2 year old and 3 month old (at the time). Street photography! I had no problem with it. There are people whose mind translates any answer all, from Hmm okayhow bout that Topic Changers vs. Distractors game? to NONONONONO! Exactly. Theres no scenario that she cant find a worry for. Dont get hit by a stray printer that someone threw out a window in a rage while you have a cuppa with a buddy outside! No, its not, but again Im not just speaking out of my ass here; I have seen similar anxiety issues firsthand. Its possible that thats part of it given the cheating aspect, but the worried the worst would happen is a very, very common anxiety symptom called catastrophizing. He is unable to let go of these thoughts on his own, they are interfering with his and his spouses quality of life, so he needs some help. :( Her husband seems like an abuser. At first I was shocked, but that was only due to the misconceptions about that place. Its not just irrational, it doesnt even make sense from the control freak point of view. So, hell have to ban the East Coast, too. Youll be so exhausted from your meetings all youll want to do is get dinner and go to sleep! This is stuff you gotta ask yourself. When I was years into my emotionally abusive first marriage, I had a long list of all the ways he was great. I suspect that insecurity over her being the primary breadwinner has a lot to do with it (deeply ingrained social conceptions are still a thing). Itd be easy for the husband to dismiss the wifes concerns as Well SHE wants to cheat. Studies show that men who are outearned by their wives and cannot cover the households bills with their own income generally act out more about their successful wives. I cant quite tell from this letter if he does yet or notnor if its a true anxiety issue or straight-up manipulative, controlling behavior. Sin City. It feels as if the OPs husband is just latching onto the location as an excuse. Ill let my boss know that Ill need to leave work a bit early those days so I can get the kids from daycare., If it were my wife, my response would be Have fun Watch the lights in the sky to the north at night.,and Dont try to bet on 37 at roulette.. But also, this is pretty clearly a business and financial question. Giving the husband the most benefit of the doubt possible, its possible he rants and raves and his friends all go hmm, interesting. Not seeing any benefit in engaging someone whos clearly nuts on the subject. Pretty much. Good points. I lived in that neighborhood for five years, and was perfectly safe. It would never occur to him to equate a dang business conference held anywhere outside of a strip club with sexual abandon. Yes, he needs to settle down, and no, Im not suggesting she sacrifice her career because he is stressed, but it really is BOTH their problem. Far from it I want to underline that couples counseling shouldnt be taken as being only for us problems, and that couples counseling can be very effective for problems that rest entirely in one persons lap. And hiking! They plan conferences there because its generally inexpensive, tons of rooms and restaurants, and its extremely easy to get aroundno real need for ground transportation besides getting to and from the airport. Nah, its not legal in Reno either their county did not legalize it. ^ +1000, this was the most mind-boggling to me as well. Omg that sounds so much like my mom. Its a lot different than when I first went in 1989, but even then it was quite suitable (ideal, actually) for a business conference. There is so much good food in Vegas, I love it there. Furthermore, Vegas ALSO markets itself as a family vacation and business conference destination. People watching! Also, in some (not all) work situations, it would be quite weird and out of step for someone to bring their spouse along. You feel this way, youre affected in this way, you would like to see this happen, and so on. OP, I really hesitate to use the word abuse when it comes to anyone elses relationship, but this post is giving me bad flash backs to a boyfriend who did this kind of thing to me all the time and I now know that it was psychological, emotional abuse and manipulation. Companies have meetings there because the hotels are set up for them, and its incredibly easy. When I was there, I went to museums, saw a few shows, visited a shopping centerall during the day (except the shows) and safe. I dont think anyone is acting like they havent heard the reputation, were just saying its silly and outdated. Its tough but definitely not impossible. He needs to understand that what happens in their marriage is between them (and their counselors) and not random strangers, acquaintances and friends. That said, Id say go on the trip, because I dont think you should pander to his lack of trust in you. Youre the breadwinner? I would say that its not necessarily couples counseling that is needed, but that your spouse needs to talk with someone. If I went home today and told my husband, My work is sending me on a business trip to Las Vegas in 3 months, this would be his response: Wow, honey, thats great! How would it feel if you lost your job or got demoted because you stopped travelling due to his shenanigans? I trust my wife but I dont trust a lot of strange people. Theyve had a lot of issues actually, and it kind of doesnt work for her. I work for a global health organization. To give the LW the tools she needs to see if this is something she can work through to save her marriage and save her career. Im also someone that really tries to give the benefit of the doubt though. OP, I agree with the advice you dont have to choose between your marriage and your job if you dont want to. You get attention, you often get attempts at comfort, sometimes you get a hug; these are all rewarding. Why would you visit Vegas when you live in NOLA, unless it was for work. Possibly the same people who dont think they should ever be in a one-on-one meeting or dinner with a co-worker of the opposite sex. Me: Um, what now? I was bottle feeding at the time and would simply feed as my SO drove as well as changed diapers at either gas stops or just quickly in the car versus making 30-45 min stops. Also, sometimes its exhausting to argue with an anxiety sufferer and you end up agreeing to get out of the discussion. Connect with your family and friends, and even try tomake new friends. I have to remind myself of that sometimes; I think you should remind yourself that too. But itseems like they want totake things slowly. As sinful as it gets, I tell ya! Dont answer the phone? Women will agree with a spouse to avoid conflict. My husband nearly had to go to Vegas for a conference a couple of months ago (were in the UK so its pretty far!) To me, that means childish. Jealous? So I understand, at some level, where the husband is coming from when he thinks about these horrible things happening to his spouse. Your baby may like the car but that is a long ride and a big change for LO so it'll be ok but may not be as smooth as your imagining. You can drink and dance and play roulette in 43 of the 50 states. I agree. Ill be safer and better nourished (I am a run of the mill vegetarian, but somehow that was hard to deal with, too. Hes already proven himself to be irrational, I think his presence will not help LW even a little. He may not listen and will keep bringing it up, but its worth a shot (and then repeating)! I just saw the news about the mass shooting in Vegas. I agree hes not acting reasonably; but answers like therapy are a long-term solutions to an immediate problem. He says he has asked other people about the situation and everyone objects that they would even let their significant other go. And in really any city, conference facilities are going to be near entertainment options that arent strictly relevant to the business conference, because thats the nature of the city. He was there for a conference, and she was there for a bachelorette party. I think it was just awkward phrasing and the intent of the update meant his friends objected to the very idea of letting their spouse go to Vegas. Ah, but you have a job, and Im guessing are presumably a more equal breadwinner in your household. I wanted to comment on the everyone I talked to agrees with me stance hes taken. I would completely understand if my partner were worried if I needed to go on one of these trips, but if he tried to FORBID me from goingyeah, that wouldnt go well for him. Im going to disagree with your last sentence. I dont know if this is a sexist response from jealousy?. If someone says they dont want to get married, theres probably a good reason in there. She is bottle fed and was at that time, too, so if your LO is EBF, I'd say add more time. Ithewhat??? But if not, why would you stay with this. !1 into a discussion? Either way, the fact that husband is freaking out and polling friends sounds like he, at least, needs to speak with a therapist, and both of you together would be even better to tackle this problem (the problem being his anxiety and the way its impacting your relationship, not the fact you need to travel). Each year my entire family goes to the beach at the end gets a beach house where we stay for a week. Usluge graevinskih radova niskogradnje. They go out of their way to watch everyone. Bookings are open for June, July, and August family vacations in 2023, with per person prices starting at $3,699. If your job is like mine, youll be standing all day training people on new products and campaigns and be totally exhausted at the end of the day. Disordered anxiety changes shape to fit inside whatever container is available, which might be infidelity or kidnapping or alien abduction. Group Leaders communicate with staff moderators and escalate potential violations for review, but they dont moderate discussions. And while anxiety is common, abuse is even more so. Yeah, I had a boyfriend in college who Id started dating after being part of the same friend group as him for a long time. Has it been made perfectly clear that this trip isnt a mini-vacay/reward on the companys dime, but is -in fact- a work trip where you will be doing work? The country really isnt so homogeneous on this kind of experience that you have to seek out people to agree with you on this no matter where you live. The part about staying on the same team is so, so key, and I hope the OPs husband approaches this as thoughtfully as you have. Bringing your spouse along on a work trip only works some of the time, and it definitely doesnt work if the spouse has already exhibited controlling behavior. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationlifetime guest pass policy. Note: After I wrote this answer, I received more details about the letter-writer about exactly what her husbands objections are. I agree in principle, but I think its easy for certain couples with significant shared responsibilities to fall into the language of permission, and its not always a red flag. Yeah the strip can be crazy but so can Disney World. I have a friend now who Ill maybe mention that he is going to a business thing and he will badger me where is he? Yeah you can get into some crazy stuff there for sure, but lots of people bring their small children to Vegas for vacation too (which bugs me somewhat but hey whatever). And we always get gorgeous hotel rooms for ridiculously cheap. with his friends, not you. And there usually are scenarios where getting permission is reasonable for a lot of people like if a spouse wanted to spend a lot of shared money or wanted to join a sports league that involved a big time commitment. It IS super pricey though!! Would he partake in an support of psychological therapy and consoling? The update is saying the opposite of what you think it does. Yes, this could actually be what he really is freaking out about, in my experience. Actually those are not the only two choices. Leave the argument and do that as consistently as you can. Its also fascinating, because it makes me wonder about his friends. It's essential to show interest in the things your spouse enjoys, even if you don't share the same enthusiasm. The worrying about her cheating leads me to consider there might be a problem with control/abuse, possibly. Roppongi it is! When I said but no one else called their boyfriends he then he shifted to well, if you want to have a relationship like THEIRS I think it doesnt take much poking at this topic to find out if your spouse is anxious or controlling. But, OP, please take a hard look at your husband and his normal conduct. What to Expect supports Group Black and its mission to increase greater diversity in media voices and media ownership. Yes, this. Ive been to Vegas a couple of times and saw a ton of business conferences and expos going on. Dont give him information that he will then twist (anxiety twists everything) and dont waste your time or your energy you need that for other things. It has beautiful trails just minutes outside the city. Its also putting some stress on our relationship, because Im starting to feel resentful about the time I have to spend reassuring you. My dad goes around the world: Spain, Taiwan, Japan and he spends it all on a commercial ship fixing the radar, sonar, ormcomputer. And Im sure theres a lot more I dont know about. Rationalist who is deeply against living by social norms is a great big flashing warning sign that says DO NOT ASSOCIATE WITH THIS PERSON. He could also stand some counselling, Im sure, but you need his buy-in for that. Is he anxious about everything, or just the fact that youre going to vegas? Yep, and because the hotels make most of their money through conference bookings and casino profits instead of room rentals, you can get really nice hotels for stupidly cheap. Marriage counseling implies that she has some part to play in this; individual therapy for him would help him manage his expectations of realistic safe behavior in a marriage and at work. (Gendering the partners here solely for the purpose of clarity and conciseness. OPs husbands response is way out of line for a normal response. Im not going to be lured into seedy underworld just because its there! I still think he worries about my safety a bit too much (and whoa, good Im not headed to war zones at this point in my career! Ifthings are still strained, wewould recommend setting upanappointment with amediator ortherapist who specializes incouples therapy. I actually disagree. We saw a fun show with impersonators of Sinatra, Dean Martin, Cher, etc and fun dancers. If your husband doesnt trust you to handle three days sitting in conference rooms in Las Vegas with your coworkers, thats a fundamental relationship problem. Im sure your husband isnt a huge jerk or anything, but this is not healthy and he should not be pressuring you to do something that would risk your job. Marketing aside, Vegas is just a metropolitan center, and you dont look lose your morals the second you step off the plane. Holy smokes. Choosing your career over your marriage is only possible when your husband turns a normal business situation into an ultimatum. I did manage to save the relaionship (even though Mothers anxiety never went away; be prepared for that too) I truly hope that you can save your relationship with your spose, OP. If an employee told me that she wasnt able to go, that would result in me having a conversation about expectations and this is not unreasonable. :D. There is nothing unwholesome about Vegas and plenty of reputable companies send their employees there for conferences because the city is set up for it with numerous transportation, hotel and food options. But he is controlling. Forget $200, I once needed to add a night to my reservation at the Rio last minute.it was $20. I dont let him go on trips because we dont manage each others lives like that, but I do support his career and any travel that entails even if its stressful for me. The non-work things generally arent my cup of tea and if I want shows/museums/food Ill go to NY, London, Paris, Istanbul. A decade? Grownups dont treat other grownups like this unless they are fundamentally abusive. Ifyoure feeling left out, that means something iswrong. OP, go on the trip. CES, the Consumer Electronics Show is held there yearly, and is a massive tech conference, millions of square feet of conference space. <3. That may be an overreaction, but something clearly isnt working between you two, and he sounds emotionally abusive. He is obviously in distress, and rational or not, that is a bigger problem than just whether OP should go on her business trip. Cuz he was awesome.). Mothers anxious overprotectiveness would have destroyed me (and my relationship with her) if Id let it limit my life the way she wanted to (in the moment, when she was anxious). (A high crime rate gets lots of news coverage, with dramatic photos; a major reduction in the crime rate doesnt, because TV news doesnt want pictures of people walking down the street in safety with friends, doing their shopping, picnicking in the park.). If you think Im the type of person who would cheat well Im not interested in spending time with you because you seem to have a pretty horrible opinion of me. I think its also quite possible that hes either misrepresented it to the people hes asked, misrepresented their responses to the OP, and/or hasnt actually asked as many people as hes said he has. She has mentioned it makes her sad, but she takes the obey part of her vows very seriously. Im going to start with a description, because people often ignore this anxiety is a horrible physical and mental state to be in. You also cannot learn anything while youre in a state of fear. The big hotels are super experienced and the conference ran just about as smoothly as something of that size possibly could. I have no problem with him going to week-long management training or long weekends away for bachelor parties. :D. Naked Business Orgy in Vegas is what Im naming my metal-covers-of-show-tunes band. (Im in counseling FWIW, he wont go.) Its just such a common conference/trade show city! It was a realllllly boring upbringing. There are many issues at play here. My husband of 23 years has never objected to any business trips Ive taken (not even the week-long trip to the Bahamas when our daughter was 8 months old), so Im chiming in to say that whats going on with your husband is super abnormal in my experience.