Depression often causes breakups, especially if it goes untreated. But it is important to keep in mind that, while dealing with depression, especially if he is not under treatment, be it therapy or medication, he might be experiencing intense depressive symptoms, and that is what is controlling their actions and behaviors right now. Weve been dating for 2 years and a few days ago he broke it off saying he needs to get mentally right and cant sustain a relationship. He does this because people close to him have a lot of expectations, requests, and sometimes even demands. But if at any time it seems like coping with this is being too hard for you, dont hesitate to look for help. So we broke up. Week into my breakup now. . 5 months into the relationship, his father passed away and he became depressed and he broke up with me. They are also very critical about people around them and their own selves. If you want him back then you're going to have to make a few changes. As depression encompasses lack of hope and anhedonia, you should try to provide him hope, faith and commitment along with warmth and love. Hell message you if he changes his mind. Even if you cannot stay with your partner, please help them get proper treatment and medication. Loads of people with mental health conditions are able to enjoy long lasting, fulfilling, happy relationships. Depression is a mental illness that can cause a person to experience intense sadness, along with that, they might lose hope in life and the future, along with a decreased sense of self-worth and low self-esteem. I told him Id always be here for him and how much I love him. During the month of September I noticed there had been something off with him, he wasn't putting in effort to talk to me, see me etc. Hope you are keeping well! Or when he really starts to realize how much he misses me and starts feeling better? I was in a loving, committed, stable, relationship for 1.5 years with my boyfriend before this recent event. If you are on the verge of breaking up or getting a divorce with your partner, the first thing you need to do is to understand the critical consequences of depression not only on the relationship but also on both of your mental health. This should be your priority other wise your partner is going to make you anxious and force you to overinvest in him and the relationship. The thing about depressed guys though is that they dont have much if any energy left to work on themselves. We had a great relationship so I thought. As a human, a good friend, a well wisher please help them rather than making them feel they are responsible for the breakup. Another thing that will help you cope is finding new hobbies and activities. I responded to you on the other article you commented. By answering these questions, youll have a better understanding of whats going on inside your ex-boyfriends head. My boyfriend of two months became very overwhelmed with events happening in his life that were out of his control. My depressed boyfriend broke up with me (7 ways to reconnect), https://www.webmd.com/depression/features/divorcing-depression#, a lack of relationships or withdrawal from previous relationships, negative feelings toward yourself and others, reduced emotional abilities, including having less verbal or nonverbal expressions, difficulty adjusting to social situations, a tendency toward showing fake emotions, such as pretending youre happy at a wedding, a loss of libido or a lack of interest in physical intimacy, persistent physical problems, such as being sick often. He does suffer from depression and anxiety issues and is on medication. Why Is My Ex So Mean When My Ex Broke Up With Me? His dad bullys and even choked him, constantly makes him feel like hes not enough. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'psychreel_com-netboard-2','ezslot_20',121,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-netboard-2-0'); It can also be that they start to affect your sense of security. He should understand that you werent the main cause of his issues and that hes ready to receive and give love. Which didnt get better. Im thankful for your time. There is a lot on Quora about why does my DP push me away? too. Continue with Recommended Cookies, The Optimistminds editorial team is made up of psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health professionals. She already was a bit depressed before this, as she has a really difficult background and childhood. Its also you because he associated unpleasant emotions with you and let those emotions suffocate him and affect his feelings for you. I thought he might be depressed so I brought him flowers & food almost everyday although he didnt want to talk to me; hed barely looked at me in the face. I just dont understand why he wants a breakup not just a break and space. My boyfriend is depressed and yesterday he broke up with me, he told me that he wasn't happy and he didn't have the time to give me the attention that I deserve. Your ex-boyfriend doesnt think you can help him with his predicament. Thank you for sharing your story. We are going to look for counseling and a proper therapy with proper psychologists that can give her proper help and medications, and after that ill let her be and give her the space and time she needs, while still being there for her at any time and whenever she needs me. But he almost doesnt realize it. Breakups Throwaway, because Gods knows I don't ever want to see this thread again after this week. I gave him everything and got very little in return. It has happened to me too. Its not his fault, but the pain is making you feel frustrated, forcing you to appear out of character. This COVID situation isnt helping at all, it changed our life and hurt our relashionship, as we cant visit each others and our daily life changed. This can make it hard for them to be around people, even if the person, their partner in that matter, is supportive and understanding. This will be great to learn more about yourself as an individual, and not only with the likes and dislikes that were related to the relationship.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'psychreel_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_6',113,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0'); Sometimes finding new places to go, such as art exhibitions, doing a small trip, can give you a clear headspace to think about what has happened and deal with it. Mine has less depression,(bizzare creative spurts of painting and playing the piano) but mood swings peaking into euphoria most of the time. A bad one, too. You might think about seeing a therapist yourself to work through this. I love him too much to watch him move on with someone else, that want him to be happy but I cant watch it. Weve only been broken up two days and weve gone NC. Financial problems and loss of job due to the pandemic. I know he really cares about me. Affairs arent the only problems, she says. You dont need to have small talk with him and be super friendly. We met when he transferred into my class and took a seat next to me.. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. I just dont know how I can help him because when I did go see him & call him even after the breakup, he didnt pick up my calls or reply to my messages. To him, breaking up is a self-defense mechanism as he assumes that pushing you away will allow him to focus on himself and prioritize his emotional health. It can change their behavior, how they see the world, and relate to people. Meaning, if you got depressed maybe your reaction would have been to reach out to him more, for comfort while his reaction is to withdraw. He could just be dealing with stress and doesnt know how to handle his stress. and would complain about everything in his life. In his own words: He thinks things through and makes deliberate, purposeful decisions. If there is no-one you feel you can talk to, write it down. Its not uncommon to get blindsided by a depressed boyfriend. Youre probably not doing much/anything wrong, but staying in his life forces him to focus on you rather than himself. How is it going for you now? I miss him so much and I just wish I could talk to him and hug him it hurts so much. Be Careful About Breaking Up When You're Depressed | by Karen Nimmo | On The Couch | Medium 500 Apologies, but something went wrong on our end. He told me to focus on myself too and work on myself and whenever Im sad to use that as motivation. He said its been very difficult with his anxiety and depression and feels like he needs to talk to a therapist. Don't take it personally when he pushes you away or avoids your calls/texts 3. I have no desires to truly speak of, as nothing I do is rewarding or satisfying. This is exactly how anhedonia feels. Ask him what exactly he feels about his situation. 2023 Remedy Health Media, LLC ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. She was getting more and more in depression ever since she moved, and i really tried my best to be there for her, to show her that i care and love her, and that shes not alone and that ill always be there for her, as usual and as i always did since we met. Injured animals tend to follow the same pattern. I wrote him an extreme long message saying all this about how much I love him and also about how I reallt badly dont want this to be a breakup especially since we both love eachother SO much. If anyone else dealt with this, what happened? He adores his granddaughter. She was alone in a city, with no family, no friends, no roomates, with no boyfriend close to her due to covid. That was why he broke up with you in the first place. Imagine that your shoulder is hurting like crazy and that your boyfriend is trying to help you. Im going through the same thing. Before the breakup, he ghosted me for a week almost & told me he needs to think about things. He is feeling depressed and he wants to fix it. My heart is broken. I am so stuck on thinking who he was just a short time ago and how he felt so lucky to have me to just withdrawing and wanting to be alone, completely. stressful life experiences may affect your mental health in various ways sometimes trigger prolonged and severe emotional distress. It breaks my heart. Before you engage in self-blame, though, you need to know that your ex-boyfriend left because he couldnt communicate his issues and work on his issues alone or with you. I did drop a letter off at his home when wasnt there. https://www.healthcentral.com/amp/article/depressed-boyfriend-broke-feels-needs-alone-how-show-together, My boyfriend is depressed and broke up with me (+ Understanding what happens), Excessive crying or inability to cry even when they want to. Does he appear sad and depressed after the breakup? But even though you might keep hoping that they will come back, try to focus your energy in your healing process, and on yourself. Im scared he will move on from me during no contact & thatll be the end of our story for good. Depressed boyfriend broke up with me, what is the best way to navigate this? While hes doing that, its best that you stay away from him and give him the space he needs. Things between us were still the same as before, we were still loving each other and being happy, but i could tell that it was also slowly changing and getting different, and that she was changing too. By distancing himself from you, he can stop worrying about your wants and needs and focus only on his. Distance yourself from him physically and leave him alone emotionally. This is what depression is and does, it breaks everything that is beautiful, loving, and good. Studies suggest that people start to feel better around three months post-breakup. But if hes avoiding people, blaming himself, and missing out on sleep, then hes likely dealing with the real deal and needs a lot of understanding. He also said he doesnt want to be friends or see me frequently because thatll just make moving on harder for him. He may not necessarily come back to you for love because he might not let go of old perceptions of you. His friends had taken him to a psychiatrist & has been on medication ever since! Despite the timezone and our distance, it didnt even felt like we were in different countries. Thanks for your question. I am in no contact, its been 2 weeks. Copyright OptimistMinds 2023 | All Rights Reserved. For now, give him the space he needs and focus on yourself. I am going through the same thing as of last night. Youd think that a depressed person wants help, but thats usually not the case. Advice on a break with . Do I just still treat him like a dumper?! Follow Posted 4 years ago, 5 users are following. Im going through the same situation. Instead of learning more about depression and the way it can destroy commitment in the relationship, he acted on his negative feelings and pushed you away. How did things evolve for you both ? Because they have problems, they often look for negatives in others and by doing so, ruin their own relationships. We hung out last week, and not much progress has been made. This understanding does not help me to fill the hole in my heart though, so sad. Those suffering from high-functioning depression are often their own worst critics, and its difficult to turn that criticism off. If he wanted your pity and support, he would have expressed the desire to talk about the things he needed to stay in the relationship with you. Instead of talking about it, he (secretly) blames you for it and thinks you dont listen or sympathize with him. About 3 weeks ago, my now ex boyfriend of 5 months broke up with me because of his depression. On Sunday he was still texting me hearts So now Im sad and confused. Neurotransmitters like dopamine, GABA and Cytokine are considered responsible for anhedonia. He broke up with me. Hi there. Along with that, the article explained how a person can cope with a breakup. In my case my ex associated me with negative memories relating to issues with his son. It has been commonly understood that positive symptoms of schizophrenia decline in later life, https://www.webmd.com/depression/features/divorcing-depression#Helping a depressed spouse. He also said that the breakup was something he had not thought about earlier, but since a few days only. Im feeling sad but better as days goes on. The patient is trapped in a cycle of excessive worry about the past, present and future. Along with that, your partner can become controlling.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'psychreel_com-narrow-sky-2','ezslot_16',120,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-narrow-sky-2-0'); This is something that usually escalates as time goes by, and its main focus is to remove the persons autonomy and independence. Contrary to happy, mature couples, selfish boyfriends tend to do whats best for them. He decided that the best way to deal with smothering emotions was to get space from them and not deal with them at all. Through it, the person will relearn how to live without their partner.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'psychreel_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_8',112,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0'); This process has its ups and downs, but while going through it is important to have your friends and loved ones close to you. You just know that relationship issues are making things worse and that you want to feel understood rather than ignored and annoyed. But I know its not possible & it truly hurts. The only way through this is to be honest with him about how you feel without attributing blame. I told him I will wait for him while he works things out. Breakups are always difficult, going through one can be a traumatic experience. I just want him to be happy and I wish I could help him. They can also feel empty, and lose pleasure in activities they used to love.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[336,280],'psychreel_com-box-4','ezslot_4',126,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-psychreel_com-box-4-0'); A person can get depressed for many reasons. It has been about a month of us being broken up. It is the most confusing experience Ive ever had in my life. My boyfriend broke up with me because of depression is honestly not the only excuse dumpers use. How did your stories develop since you posted here? Mental health professionals specialized in the field of romantic relations are the ones who will help both of you cope with the situation and derive a solution. Those are real friends/romantic partners. 3) Do depressed people go through the same stages of dumpers remorse as others? You must understand that a depressed boyfriend will break up with you when he thinks that the breakup will help him feel better. So Im trying to focus on myself and it actually does motivate me to get myself stable again because if we do end up together again I want to make sure Im ready and confident and have my life together. He is going to therapy. Depressed Boyfriend broke up with me. It usually causes them to have a more negative vision of themselves, so they might feel like a burden to people, which can cause them to distance themselves. The only difference is that depressed dumpers blame the breakup on their depression whereas normal dumpers dont. My heart aches so deeply and I want him back, but I really dont know if thats a possibility. The very thing that gives you pleasure today will give you pain tomorrow, or it will leave you, so its absence will give you pain.. In these situations, a talk therapist can be great. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. And thats what he does because running away lifts the burden of too many responsibilities and provides him with a sense of relief. I know that he suffered with depression when he was a teenager, and with the stress of his new job he started to withdraw from activities and pastimes he once loved. Time does help just a bit too slow. He kept disappointing me by canceling plans last minute and when I finally communicated my disappointment, which we agreed to do, he said I triggered him and caused his anxiety to raise everytime I messaged him. Its not you, its me is an excuse dumpers use to prevent dumpees from blaming them for the breakup and making things difficult for them. During this time we barely fought and were super compatible--we were always joking around and having fun. Have cried for 12 hours straight. Even though it may have its ups and downs, so do all relationships. We talk or text everyday, but then his calls and text were getting father apart. We ended up being friends for a year, becoming best friends and he asked me out last July. In which you can speak about your thoughts and feelings without being judged. It helps him focus on his issues and lets him not worry about yours. Just good times when we were physically together. Tell him how his depression can be detrimental to his mental health, his career, his life and his relationships. Difference in brain activity especially in the prefrontal cortex is found to be a neurological cause behind anhedonia. And he believes him. I suggest that you talk to him only when its about the kids or something important. This will let you know how aware they are of their condition, and how committed they are to getting better. Ask him if there is something else making him feel so down and low. As the title suggests, my (ex) boyfriend who struggles with depression broke up with me. If you know your boyfriend has been struggling with depression, you might have realized his behaviors have changed over time. Im just so confused as the best way to be with him if it is depression.