August: Girlfriend has now assumed all of Dads parental roles and responsibilities. I was trying to bring stability to his life. Um. I guess my question is, is this normal? I get way too much release from responding to his texts and emails because he can not constantly interrupt these and I can actually defend myslef when he isnt spuing lies out and talking over and through any response I have. I was mad of course, and she called him in front of me and said she cannot see or talk to him again. I think a narcissists marriage can work long term under two circumstances. Narcissists frequently have divorces and get remarried? I think she felt reluctantly obligated caring for us while our father was alive but after, not so much. Charm offensive from her to him and he moves back in. Typically, narcissist do not get better after marriage. Id get a string you along text then full of exclamation marks an emoticons or even a selfie of her body parts. All he had to say is that he has no money and that he is old. http://samvak.tripod.com/faq32.htmlhttp://getoveranarcissist.com/narcissist-narcissism-marriage/. Things seemed great in the first few years of our marriage but soon there were cracks, caught him in a few lies, saw how his personality completely changed depending on who was present. The silence is a strange and cruel behavior that is harder to forgive, not the silence towards me, but the silence toward my daughter. mine did almost the same but is delusional n hides the mental fk up w/ FB smoke n mirrors. Then i found out she was still seeing him, she called again, in front of me again and said same thing, cannot see u again, but i found out again a month later she was stiil seeing him, fortunately i had taken a job long long ways away and the next week we moved. Lied, cheats, loves attention and makes out to be one person but is completely another. One year later, she has this guy wrapped around her finger, had a baby with him, got a new house same stuff. You take his calls and end up being there for him emotionally thinking hell see the light and come back to you. All I ever heard was how I was taking away from her life. So I got to see everything she had posted up to then. When he saw I was alone and vulnerable, he quickly dumped his gf and starting to Court me. My son who spent a lot of time with his father continue to tell me things that happen and whenever I ask my husband, who I now understand is an N makes me sound as though I am crazy. My ex is a classic, insecure narc. They cannot control the intense negative feelings that they generate in their own mind. I mourned for the man I thought I married meanwhile he was on dating sites before I left our marital home. He got us so far into debt, I could not afford to divorce himfinally I just didI did not care, I moved out. Sure, I would love to know what was real, and what was her just trying to make me jealous, but in the end, who cares. Yes mine remarried immediately after our divorce too. I had three kids under 10 with one.Exactly one year after I divorced her (she had an affair and i found out), she gives the eyes to a work mate,they now live together in a big-ish house,car each etc etc . Turned my life upside down but and I am so glad I had the strength to leave and know I deserve better. The narcissist does everything with one goal in mind: to attract Narcissistic Supply (attention). Sure, I would love to know what was real, and what was her just trying to make me jealous, but in the end, who cares. She got pregnant right away, so she could get more attention, bought a HUGE house so she could show everyone how successful she was after remarrying this amazing guy. No, his divorce was final and we got married 10 days later. We adopted each others youngest kids about half-way through the 10 yr marriage (the others by then had gone to college). They may seem great on day, and just awful the next. But neither of us have ever made a move. He continuously sends me emailsstating that his heart is in pieces,, what about his new wife, I mean supply?. They do not change their spots. I know how perceptive children are, and if she is even a fraction as abusive towards him as she is towards her husband, then I really feel for the kid. Healthy boundaries are crucial in all relationships, but especially in second marriages." Kurt Smith, a therapist who counsels men I did not know what, and really who I was until recently. There is no rhyme or reason to their drastic swings. It sucks what your going through but to find someone with the opposite traits as your narc will truly be amazing! The day he physically harmed my son and in the moment I confronted him and looked into his blank eyes, I knew I had to get my children away from this man I didnt even recognize. Leave all the emotions out (even if youre faking it till you make it), dont react to smear-campaigning, and use some Hollywood-style PR to get your life and sanity back by not giving him any form of supply at all (through reactions, emotions, facial expressions, etc.). So we just deal with it. They typically have little empathy for others, which can make it difficult for them to understand or . Everything she has ever told me was a lie, so why would she start being honest now? He pulled me in head over heels becoming everything I told him I had been hurt through my marriage to an alcoholic. Your narcissistic spouse may not be able to support you or show genuine emotion. From the narcissist that I know, they can maintain a second marriage IF the new spouse is a giver and feeds the narcissist constantly. My STBXs timeline: 2002: meets victim number 1, impregnates, moves in, marries her. Then i said, honestly for me, did u cheat during our marriage, and she got all mad and loud and said i told you before no and hung up. She acts like a teenager, spending all her free time drinking and smoking pot, despite being almost 40. Im wondering sometimes if she was just using me as a plaything and wasnt necessarily a narcissist at all. My concern is my children, I have no communication with him or her because I refuse to be in that triangled mess and I hope and pray that it all works out for them. Tehy are tricky and master liars. A narcissist marries someone who would be a good source of long-term narcissistic supply for them. and grooming his next victim. Another time she called and wanted to take me to lunch on fathers day, yet we have no kids together. Thus, a narcissist evaluates whether he wants to develop a relationship with someone on the basis of their utility. He falls in and out of love with people, workplaces, residences, vocations, hobbies, interests because they seem to be able to provide more or less Narcissistic Supply and for no other reason. I know why hes making snapshot decisions, forgetting things, and acting like he no longer has his life together. His new supplier is giving him money to do all this. It all really depends on what their spouse does for them. Everything, that is, except for his work. He was charming, told me he loved me constantly and that he was a lucky guy . He left me in the emergency room and never came back. When I met my husband (soon to be x husband) he had a girlfriend that he said was abusive, controlling, manipulative among other things. I happened all the time. Breathe a huge sigh of reliefthat could have been you. Thats because Im not the narcissist you tried to make me out to be. An emotion that is never allowed tp be expressed in a spouse of a narcissist. And hed pretend like nothing ever happened. And when a wife decides [] But while he is still earning a decent salary, she wont actually leave him. Laughed that she spends most of her time in the gym as there are so many hot guys there to choose from. I was very successful in my work and commenced my doctorate part-time while also raising his 3 children (his wife had died). It kills me. He and the ex girlfriend had apparently gotten back together sometime after we were married without my knowledge. Once my father passed she pretty much made me responsible for my sister and shirked all parental responsibility for either of us after that. How I was so inept and useless. Truly move on, dont wait for them to come back because if they do it will only be for self serving reasons. So the second marriage will contain more abuse than the first one. They become involved in relationships to ensure their needs are met and obtain Narcissistic Supply. Engaged after a month whilst still married to me. My family and I have been trying to pinpoint what exactly her mental problems are and have figured that Narcissism could be a possibility. I know it was weird of me to keep reading them, but its so strange to watch your own relationship being reenacted in front of you by two other people. His answer was I want sex how I want it.too bad for you. He spoke of marriage allllll the time yet when we met he was still married but separated, so he says. Its like they seem to share the house, no family going on. More info on how narcissist work in relationships here . I was enthralled. Stand up for yourself. LIES LIES AND MORE LIES because he is the same man hes always been A CONTROLLER, MANIPULATOR, AN ACTOR, A DR. JECKYL AND MISTER HYDE. Its been 4 years since I had a relationship with anyone. I dated a narc on/off for 6 yrs. A little background? He didnt tell our kids anything until after the fact and plastered pics all over facebook. So, Ive been single for over 2 years now. Most worrying (to me anyway), is that she cant stand his son and complains about how annoying he is when he stays with them. Look for all God has done for you and be grateful. He had just proposed to her two weeks ago and we were together 3 years. I also have seen how when her husband works long hours, and she doesnt see him often enough, she goes out a lot more, texts her ex-husband over ridiculous things with their daughter, and has cheated on him. Think Narc, think Medussa. Do you think if she really liked him/was in awe of him shed modify her behaviour to suit? No respect. I finally met someone last year at work who ticks every single box. While you may not be physically hit or. Glad I did. Needless to say he was in a BIG Rush, I just thought because he loved me so much. It is not uncommon to find when a narcissist remarries it is to someone younger to promote their self-image as being younger. When we met wow, just the most incredible woman i had ever known. So yes the spouse will be used and abused, all the same but in enough doses not to overdo it too often. , #manchumanojmarriage #manojmarrriage #bhumamounikareddy #ytshorts #sumantv Download SumanTV Android App - https . The manipulation was very subtle but the flashes of rage was not. Good luck! He left and said we had too many scars that couldnt be fixed. I was expecting them to be very affectionate and in love, since they were only 12 months into the honeymoon period. Most people use that word to describe someone who seems overly confident . "Don't become bitter. He is giving his current wife everything she wants right now, including a child and moving closer to her family and away from our children, because she is feeding his ego and obviously is easily manipulating her with his lies and half truths. Is there something in the narcissists mind about the new source that makes them more prone to such a drastic step? Loved his energy he was so exciting to be with. I wish my soon to be ex-husband could have that much insight! Finally, it does not matter what the NARC says about you to anyone, they will be found out of you do this: STAND IN YOUR OWN TRUTH WITH DIGNITY AND SELF RESPECT, DO NOT LOWER YOURSELF TO THE NARCS DEPTHS OF HOPELESSNESS, AND REMEMBER THAT YOU HAVE ESCAPED FROM A TERRIBLE EXISTENCE, AND THE ROAD AHEAD IS NOW CLEAR FOR AN AMAZING LIFE THAT YOU WILL HAVE. Oh my gosh, were we married to the same man?! Even since hes been married, And i agreee.Been there. He or she feels they are unique and rare while most other human beings are common and ordinary. Narcissists also feel a real sense that they arent good enough. But hugs to you until that day comes because it feels terrible until then. Both my parents are dead, and I dont want to talk about this with my kids. The narcissistic personality is unstable in each and every one of its dimensions. Hmm, same thing he told me. Because of the prenupt- I lost all of that money I put into the marriage, and was never reimbursed, even for the years of paying health insurance from my salary benefits. Our responsibility as the people that love them is to try to mitigate the damage they cause in the relationship, understand that they are wounded individuals, and love ourselves enough to set definitive boundaries. Instead, it will be through manipulation, control, and force. This same condition makes it difficult for them to understand or acknowledge that they are the root of many of the problems in their relationships. All of these tactics can make them seem too good to be true. Marrying a narcissist can be a huge mistake, especially if you are unprepared for how they change after the honeymoon period. Think gratitude. and said she had met a customer from where she works on the bus and took him to meet her gf, but the gf got called into work so he asked my wife to go to an afternoon movie at the cinema, and she turned off her phone while there. 1. Wow this is the exact situation that my ex wife isnt in. The career narcissist is often ruthless, demanding, demeaning and highly successful. In many cases, narcissistic behavior patterns have led to problems in the narcissist's marriage, family, friendships, and career. I asked her 2 days ago on the phone if she would help me with the demons i have had in my head for years and she said ok. A common narcissistic marriage problem: Gaslighting. You might notice some of the following signs in a narcissistic marriage. Please say a little prayer for me. After we met a couple of times, she followed me on social media (Im not sure if it was intentional). I could go on and on about the mental abuse. If they cheat, you eventually find out and it destroys your confidence even more. After 2 years of him struggling to get out of that relationship including her getting a court order to have him locked out of his homeyes, his homehe moved in with my daughter and I. You are explaining what just happened to me to a tee. The week before I left she was trying to get me to have her tubes unties. Ultimately, whether you are happy with such an arrangement is up to you. Stop thinking that way. There's a major difference between two people enjoying pleasuring one-another, versus a sexual narcissist trying hard to give a virtuoso performance. Since narcissists need a constant . No trust. We clicked immediately and talked for hours after meeting. I could go one forever with these storiesits like a bad movie!!! And his 1st wife. I dont know if their marriage will last or not but I care not because its not me that he is treating bad anymore. I have recently found out that my ex-wife that i met and married in China then 2 years later came to Canada, my home country, is definitely narcissistic. He had two kids both of different relationships. So, narcissists will remarry if it makes them look good. But, they do enjoy having someone near too. 1 In a relationship, for example, this could manifest in physical or verbal abuse, manipulation, or passive-aggressive behavior. I was in your exact situation a year ago. 2009:Moves me in to the house he bought for victim number 1. How useful a person will be to him is the measure of their worth. Depending on how worthy the victim is in obtaining his goal, will also depend on how quickly the narcissist moves in their relationship. Someone is either single and available or not in my mind. But there are forums like Divorce Busting that have online support groups you might find more posters who can answer your questions or get more feedback. I am fresh out of a narcissistic marriage he remarried before the ink was dry ..I too feel as lakes does. They actually were in on it together waiting for her to close on her house so he could leave me and move in with her. What a joke. Look these pigs will never change and ladies look out bc they are master manipulators liars and cheaters. We do not control who we love, and one of the most powerful things we can do as a human is love unconditionally. Slapped a ring on her finger after 4 months, moved into her house. I signed a pre-nupt. So, why do narcissists marry? At least five of these criteria must be present: A grandiose sense of self-importance I am having a hard time not looking at this situation as her being better and him really loving her way more than me. I was also full time employed as a Bank Manager. And yes, I have gone to alanon and counseling- because in my self-recriminations, I realized my giving nature had lacked boundaries. This is what you need to know when you marry a divorced narcissist . Being married to a narcissist may be hard but understanding how a narcissist stays married is much easier. Other common qualities include being kind, loyal, generous, and willing to give unconditionally once they feel securely connected to their partner. Its like rewatching a movie, knowing when the plot twists are, then watching the characters act them out a moment later. I am curious if he wouldnt have still been married woukd he have moved that fast with me?