He was truly my best friend. i thought i was getting a bit better getting on with things and losing the 3 stone i put on. In these first weeks it is so easy to put your body under extreme stress. Singer David Bowie, one of the most influential musicians of his era, has died of cancer at the age of 69. My crying break downs are now short and fewer, but any little memory can set me off. My Uncle was my Father figure, he & my Mum were very close & he would talk about her regularly. tool to check the status of your refund within 24 hours of e-filing. Hi- I just read your storyits almost been 2 years since my husband died. Even negativity so unlike me! i can sit in front of tv for hours and not watch a single thing. We had bought a house, were remodeling it, and then going to sell the house and move out to the country. I lost my husband 2.1/2 years ago to a vile terminal horrendous disease called MSA (Multiple System Atrophy). Nothing in life has prepared me for this and Ive been forever altered by it. I do not know what long enough means. It was he and I for 37 years. I now know I am normal again with just a different heart. Sometimes he can't sleep at night and stay wide awake at 4am thinking about her. I dont feel like I will get better, I feel like I will get worse. To say I miss him, cant never give me the Its been twenty months and it breaks my heart. Nothing, nothing, nothing even remotely resembles sanity for me. I guess I just have to accept this as part of grieving process and try to keep moving forward. Im just so heavy hearted hearing everyones stories. I dont have any children or grandchildren either, just my 4 dogs. Just watching and being involved with the babies sometimes . She is keeping me going. I have a big empty space inside that just wont go away. I was her caregiver for her last six months. The holidays are going to be a struggle this year I am finding out. Lost my son,my only child and best friend,13 months ago,38 years old,fell down his basement stairs,hit hit his head and died four days later.The pain gets worse every day.I cant even say more. married for nearly 35 years and even though I have a I lost my son 19 months ago and I dont believe I will ever get on with my life. I am now 85 and pretty healthy other than an old body. There was just my brother and I and he was a great guy, down to earth, great sense of humour, a very kind man and I loved him very much and miss him a lot and yet as mentioned I am not on my own. I share everyones pain expressed here. He took his own life. Most importantly church, Its been 2and a half months since my fiance died suddenly day after Xmas 2020. Im old. Its not in my character, its not who I am. We were I am so grateful for them. The pain is unbearable.. It was now our turn to enjoy life-she 62-me 64. Time will pass and your hurt and suffering will diminish, and you will learn to live with it and honor the memory of your spouse, while moving forward. I keep begging Stephen to come back,I scream at him. Im so sorry for your lossyour grief appears to be a response to a great connection and therefore a great loss of companionship and love. I rember the first few days after mums passing I thought I could hear my mums foot steps walking with me, I thought I could see zmy mum in the streets to me she was still here. Create Art. My husband fought so hard for us. Ive missed her terribly for two years. So hard having had to move. Im the only left to help them. It has been 14 mths now and it doesnt get any easier, if anything harder as it becomes more real. I am fine with it- I would welcome it- My time and work here is now done. He never opened his eyes. - Unknown. My mom died of cancer in January 2017 so I am approaching the one year anniversary mark. He left me 2 dogs, one pregnant one. 1 February is our 11 marriage anniversary, can believe last year I was alone and this year tooyear. Somewhere down the line, and its different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. I lost my 2 boys 2 years ago mike 37 april 20,2016 and chris september 20,2016 this year seeme like the shock and realization is comig back, My heart aches. I am grateful to read all of these posts because I dont think Im over my grief, yet I have always heard that at one-year I would feel better and grieving will be over. Follow griever. Now I was worried am I on the rebound am I needing to be with anyone . He was doing well until a infection set in eventually going to his brain. I have no one else in this world. The first year, I was in a fog, very forgetful, sad, depressed & feeling lost. My then 7 year old daughter found him first. We got so close over the years, I cant bear being without him. Im in a slump dont wont go out or visit. but it ends in a big cry fest. The second year was guilt with each step I took to move on. as though you are living in a different world Getting in touch with other widows/ widowers has helped, though. 22 years together. We loved, lived and laughed lots.. God bless you all. You Get Really, Really Tense. It has been 18 months since my wife was told that she has brain cancer. I always go to sleep hoping God we let me see her in a vision or dream. She passed in August 2017, and we dedicated our 2018 season, featuring 'Two Crowns,' by Randy Vader and Jay Rouse, to her memory." Diana Williams Martin "I started a candle business in honor of my Rosita Bonita. we lost most of our family. I am beyond guilty because I was the one to ask him to get the shot and it was because of me that he had been so weakened by that rare disease. His cancer was a rare and aggressive form and he was gone within 6 months of his diagnosis. I guess I will always feel this way. Love to everyone out there. His last two years were integral to my healing as he told me many times not to get stuck and to go on living a full, wonderful life. This happen to me. If it werent for my kids o wouldnt manado. Im in month 25. Wew!! My Husband of 53 Years had a stroke in July of 2016. I miss him so very much. Im grateful to have found a place to share our stories and grieve together. Actually there have been windows of time, weeks at a time when I havent cried daily but I recently left the country to live in my native UK so I imagine that brought up a lot, hence the perceived regression. I know Im late to this post but I lost my husband six months ago. Just what can I do? My heart goes out to you. It's been 20 years since you passed. I lost my mother (and I was her caregiver) in early 2017 (basically congenital heart failure, but she fail on what I consider a good day for her and never recovered and passed away the next day). Feb 11, 2012 7:42 AM. It helps me all morning and day. I wont do away with myself, but hope someday soon, it will be over. Freind I have no interest in life. Everyone says things happen for a reason but I cant find a good reason, there is no good reason. I look forward to a time when it may ease, but for now i am grateful to read others experiences. When Keanu died, I disintegrated physically and mentally. I dont have any words of advicejust know that I care that youre having a hard time. July 9,2016, As a Result Colon cancer.We were married for 31. Its not worth the pain and the change to your self and those around you. So it is a major move, but I am waiting until the end of the year or beginning 01-01-19 to make sure it is for the right reasons. The medical examiner assumes this caused an arrhythmia which in turn caused him to pass out. It is better than it was but there are days when the grayness and depression covers me like fog on a cloudy day. Try not to constantly think of your sadness. Im numb with grief I cant get to church or the cemetery Im constantly in tears and my anxiety is through the roof. I pray all of you that God will wrap his arms around you. I made the decision to bottle all my emotions inside of me and sooner or later they had to come out which they did about a month ago. Also. In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. I might not cry several times a day like before, there is just a constant state of sadness & loss, wanting & longing to share what we had together as loving soul mates. Please know that I will keep all of you in my prayers and hopes for your own grief process. I do experience love and happiness. They have no idea. How does one handle it? My 20 year old son passed away unexpectedly 12 months ago while with his young pup and friends at a river. Even though they told me that he was going to die I didnt believe it for a minute. Just to let them know that they arent up here alone. First, there is great resource here and elsewhere on the internet and in communities. I thought the second year would be easier. Still, I never felt more alone. After all, without hope and faith, what do we have? I need one that tells me when we will be together again. Two years on it still breaks my heart my two children have been wonderful and my grand-daughters keep me going but I find it ooo so hard. . God has healed me quite a bitI have never felt closer to my King, but there are times when I just miss her so much that the fog comes over me again. We only had 4 weeks from his diagnosis to his death, so it was all terribly fast. Recovery is slow for me. I cry everyday and into the night, have no interest or desire to engage with other people, and I miss him so But in between, you can breathe, you can function. Now I have to keep moving forward with out my other half. I appreciate being able to write my feelings down and my heart goes out to you all. I laughed hard at that. This is the second year, and as it got near to his birthdate, it hurts just as badly as last year, if not worse. I wish you better days and be glad you experienced a great love. I really dont like others to judge. There he was, motionless, in the bottom of our pool. And I still miss you, I can't image life without you. custom URL tracking provided I miss him every day. I hurt in my heart so deep I cant breathe. Every night when I lay down I think if I dont wake up tomorrow morning It will be okay.. I also never realized during the entire course of me caring for her, how fearful I was of getting sick. (My sister and my dad helped, too.) The first year was a whirlwind of emotions and things that needed to get done. I lost my brother five years ago at the age of 43. But now 18 mths on its too much to bear, I wake up crying from such real dreams. Once the anniversary of her death rolled around, I felt like the clouds lifted a little, and I wanted to be social, learn some new stuff, and even date. I suggest a book by Megan Devine called Its Ok That Youre Not Ok. Blessings to each of you on your journey. . By Gods help we will get through this. Ive been struggling but its been manageable. Linda, your comments really moved me because I totally agree with you. I dont want him to think our lives are all moving on and I dont miss him. Hi everyone. I know the feeling Angie I myself am constantly weeping and unbearably sad. Im living for him as well. She managed to beat breast cancer but mysterious complications ultimately took her life. I lost my husband August 22nd 2018 and I too visit the grave site nearly every day, and pray to God to let me be with my love. I know I will never be the same but hope to try to feel better with time. If you filed a paper return, you may not be able to check on the status until four . I want him back but I cant have him so Im living in hope that we will be reunited one day. I lost my dad n 2009, my mom 2011, & most recently my husband 2016 after 35 yrs of marriage. Now Im on my second year this is August 2018. He was my first father daughter dance, he was in the room when I was born, I lived with him and my mom for the first four years of my life. I am done. Im sorry i dont have an answer for you but i want you too know that you and your feelings are not alone. It was 5 months ago today when it was the sad passing of Queen Elizabeth II. I really like your attitude to life despite your huge loss. Death Anniversary Messages. I needed to move on. Ive felt lonely and sometimes I dont know how to cope with the loss and pain. Not at you, but with you. For now, I think we should go with the flow and if we feel sad and listless, it is completely natural and nothing to be ashamed of, we are grieving, we are mourning, we are entitled to a self pity party, our landscape has completely changed, She forgot who I was on Christmas Day 2015. I woke up every morning, fed my children, got them to school, then returned home and curled up in bed. My prayers are to hopefully things will get easier. We followed every possible treatment available, but to no availhis caner won out and I was left alone to face the future, to pick up the pieces and to move on with my new life. I deal with people daily and do not like my job. Its even worse cuz he was a body builder and him losing all his strength in front of me has devastated me h was so strong they it all. I feel very teary of late and missing him so. Ive been going to a grief counselor and its helped a lot but this feels like something I havent experienced yet. But I have many things I need to do first before then. As we approach our 24th wedding anniversary on 9 Nov, I yearn more and more for her. Keep going- it will get more tolerable. What should be our 17th wedding anniversary is in two days. Grief is Grief. Village so he could relax and we would enjoy our golden years, but I am thankful I had as many years as I did with him as my best friend.